stardiving | IC Inbox (Victory Road)

I know, I know. I've been a complete and utter dumbass with him. I get it.

He's still an unbearable ass, though.

He certainly is an ass, though if you think him completely unbearable you ought be glad you didn't meet me at my worst.

[He knows he can still be an absolute shitshow of a man but he's careful to try to notice it. Sometimes.]

You might try extending the olive branch, but be warned that he might not accept--though the offer may be enough to have him cease his campaign, if earnestly meant. Some hurts run deep, and men such as he are both proud and supremely unwilling to trust that we mortals are capable of change. I mean this not to reflect on his arrogance, necessarily, merely that he has seen time and again how petty and short-sighted we can be.

Perhaps I should be.

That said, I *did* apologize to him in the middle of my intoxicated fit of melancholy on my dead sister's birthday, *meant* it, and he didn't call off his damn rotom. Even though if he had then I'd have no idea that my computer troubles were him. So no. He won't accept it. I'm completely screwed when it comes to him.

... also, even at your worse, did you ever think that mortals were less than people? Because that's the thing I hate most about him. that he doesn't even think I'm a *person*. He's never actually said it *outright* but you can tell when a guy doesn't think you're people if it's happened to you enough and it's *definitely* happened to me enough. I'm not his goddamn gardener!

Edited 2020-07-23 16:17 (UTC)

[It’s some time before a response comes, because…there’s a lot to think about before he responds.]

You might consider reoffering it while sober. Mayhap with a third party as mediator. A thought. Tis bad form to come to negotiations without a clear mind.

[Please do not ask him, please do not ask him, please do not ask him. He is not supposed to be the diplomatic one, that’s Aymeric’s wheelhouse. He did not absorb enough of that to be a mediator, he does not have the patience.]

No, rather the opposite--that it twas the immortal ones, the dragons, that were mere beasts to be cut down. I was a hateful and bitter man pursuing vengeance in exclusion to all else, with my only saving grace being that I cared more for my people than myself and had friends that were much better people than I ever could be. Even then, I was careless and like as not, that recklessness led men and women under my command to their deaths, justified to myself in that they knew what they had signed up for and were just as single-minded as I.

[It’s something else to pile onto that guilt and grief. He can’t be sure, of course, but…well he’s gone so deep into self-reflection that it’s come out as kind of a self-flagellation, so even if that had never been the case, he’s going to think it was.]

Tis a problem of scale, and ephemerality. An immortal being cannot fathom loss as we do, as they are not built to experience it. That grief is ever-lasting and ever-fresh, whereas we are able to come to terms with it. Some better than others.

I speak not for him, understand. My perspective was…rather uniquely gained. And is not that of an Ascian beside.

Edited 2020-07-23 20:15 (UTC)

I'd ask Hythlodaeus to play referee, except, well, *they're* not talking either. Maybe Tyler, though. Or hell, even Dirk. Even if the two of them are fucking. Tyler and Dirk together, maybe. Dirk would be slightly biased towards 'Solus' and Tyler towards me, so it would even out.

The thing is, though, that no matter how immortal he was before, 'Solus' is just as mortal now as any of us and I don't think he *gets* that. And even if he wasn't... look. The one thing my parents made absolute sure to impress upon me as a kid is that everyone is a person, even if I don't care about them. Even if I hate them. I don't *have* to care about anyone, even if they'd prefer I would, but I do have to accept they're all people.

And I'm not a good person! At all! I don't know if I'm better or worse than you used to be, but deep down I'm an asshole too! But with 'Solus' it's like only the people he cares about are people! And I get the temptation to go with that logic! I do! But if even I'm capable of understand other people are people too, then why isn't *he*?

Edited 2020-07-23 22:09 (UTC)

Hythlodaeus is not impartial enough. Neither is Tyler.

[Wait. Wait up. Back up a second.]

And that tis more than I cared to know.

[And also, not Hythlodaeus? He's very surprised.]

We are not. To his reckoning, we are a little more than half at best. Or should I say, *I* and those of us poor mortals of our world are a little more than half, and you are getting painted by the same brush.

[Sigh. He does not want speak of this, it isn't his place, he doesn't know the details, only what Solus told him, and while he trusts that the man was truthful about it, it's still not his place to drag this into the light of day.

Though maybe Steven already knows. Whatever horrific thing he saw in Solus' nightmares--he's willing to bet it's not all the mortal deaths he's seen over the millenia that causes Solus to lose sleep at night.]

To hear him tell it, the souls of the mortal races are the souls of his people, splintered and fractured and faded, spread between the fourteen shards of our once-whole world.

Jesus Christ.

[He guesses that explains Hades and Dirk, though.]

Okay. I get how he thinks that doesn't mean we--you--are people.

But he's still goddamn *wrong*.

Also I have no clue who else to act as referee for us, except maybe you. I trust you to be impartial.

I am still at the point of trying to convince Hythlodaeus that I am not a babe in arms. Tis a work in process.

[That gets a hearty laugh out of him, not that you can hear it over text.]

Impartial? Mayhap. But I have not a great wellspring of *patience*.

He estimated my age at fifty, more or less. I decided thirteen years wasn't worth arguing over. (Twelve, really. I'm not going to do the math for the exact day, but if I were home, I'd have had my birthday already.)

Anyway. Look. If I ever get to the point where I want to hammer out a truce with 'Solus' I'll call on you as referee. Right now, I don't feel like it's worth it, since I don't trust him to act in good faith and he's still sabotaging me at work. But maybe eventually.

When I told him I was thirty-two, he said that he had biscuits in his desk older than I.

[He's just. Not going to comment that he doesn't know exactly when his nameday is. Doesn't even cross his mind, actually.

Though he does sigh, again, not that he can be heard. But hadn't he just said he didn't have the patience?]

Fine. You'd be better served by a rock, but I shall do my utmost.

You're the only one I can think to ask who isn't going to be biased due to best friend status or having fucked one of us at some point. Or both those things in terms of Hythlo.

Also yuck. They'd be *stale* by then.

[Estinien is learning far too much about everyone's sex life here, he does not like it. And he's so not typing 'not for lack of trying' because he doesn't want that out there, no sir.]

Yes, *alright*. Halone preserve, I do not wish to think of anyone's entanglements. Carnal or no.

In my own defense, literally 100% of the relationship drama here is on 'Solus' and his almost certain emotional infidelity.

Tis precisely this manner of thought that does not *help* with coming to a truce. Believe me, I know.

[It's the same sort of petty mistake his ass would make!]

Whatever...drama...he invites, he invites upon himself, it need not concern you. You might be the happier for it if you let it pass you by.

I mean, maybe. But when it ends up with one of my own friends stranded on a beach I can't ignore it *completely*.

And yet is Hythlodaeus not one of *his* friends? And also, may I point out, very certainly knows Solus well enough to judge his character and actions on his own.

If I told you that once my dearest friend tried to kill me in earnest, what would you say to that?

"Holy shit."

and

"Please tell me this was before you were friends."

Nay. Twas not all that long ago, in fact.

Now, you know not the details, only what I have given--only what you know transpired. Would you be as angry with Aymeric on my behalf as you currently are with Solus?

I mean. *Probably*, yeah.

And tis admirable of you to be so loyal to your friends.

[Even if he feels a bit weird putting himself into that box. Look, Aymeric was his only friend for a decent part of his life, and now there's a bunch more in a matter of months, it's a strange adjustment.]

But you ought not be. I forgave him even ere the arrow left his bow, as he had reasons for what he did. Reasons that you would not be able to know.

Solus also has reasons for what he does, even if you do not agree. As does Hythlodaeus. Ask him--does he need you to carry that fury? What gain you from it? What gain he from it?

... I don't know.

Tis something to think about then.

As for the moment, I shall be ready to grant Hythlodaeus access when he arrives--unless he does truly prefer me to do so. So long as no...banana hammocks are in evidence, I shall be fine.

Um.

You know. I honestly can't remember how skimpy his swimsuit was. I was there. I'm sure I saw him. But my mind's just... glossed over what he was wearing.

But I mean, how skimpy can it be?

[And this is why he didn't go to this thing.]

Probably more than I care to see.

A towel it is, then.

Probably for the best, yeah.

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